Rio Hondo College Newspaper

El Paisano

Worth more than a ‘booty call’

Caroline Carroll, Staff Writer

The devil does not come dressed in a red cape and pointy horns; he comes as everything you’ve ever wished for. In that regard, beware! Guard your heart ladies, and your panties because there are some very charming men out there in this cold world that are just trying to get that one thing from you. They will use their wit and charm to fool you so be mindful if they are into you or if they are just going to make you the “nothing serious” booty call.

Always remember, you control the cookie! If you are looking for love with your mate, it may be wise to communicate your feelings upfront before engaging in sexual intimacy. Sex complicates the already blurred lines of dating. You have to keep your guard up; it is that easy to get hurt in the booty call trap.

If you do not want to be the booty call then, do not be blind. Do not go looking for love in all the wrong places. Bars and parties are not the best places to meet the man of your dreams. However, if you do happen to meet someone you show interest in, see if it is mutual. Know the signs of when a person just wants to do the deed and when they are actually interested in investing time and a relationship with you. Mistaking the two can cause you heartache so please be do not be ignorant.

If a guy comes on strong the first few times you meet, just know they are interested in having sex with you and likely only that. If you go into a bedroom with him or somewhere exclusive and private, he is automatically going to think you are going to have sex. Plain and simple, if you are not ready for that try to avoid the situation, do not go anywhere alone with this person for the first few dates. If you are considering giving in, make sure he has a condom, or carry some with you, it is 2015 and not a bad idea for women to carry condoms with them. Always protect yourself, because there is a big chance he is not.

Do not let the hype of a booty call fool you. Being treated like the “sex buddy” can have a demeaning and emotional effect on someone’s image and self worth so please ladies, don’t let yourselves get used and abused. It is true, some women do not realize their self worth, maybe they seen a woman in their life being mistreated growing up, didn’t have the male role model and developed some sort of daddy issues, whatever the case may be, their way of coping is really an advantage to the opposite sex.

The most obvious reason why the booty call fails is that girls catch feelings. I too have fallen a victim to thinking I was girlfriend material when really I was just a convenience, like a dang AM PM, offering too much good stuff! The problem is that sex is intimate and if you have passionate sex with someone, you can catch yourself wanting them around much more often. When you feel an amazing connection with someone and you are caught thinking it is something special, you end up the fool in the end.

Just know if you do end up giving in and it does not work out, do not feel ashamed I would like to think they are just practice for Mr. Perfect. You really are worth more than casual sex with someone that does not value you entirely. However, if you feel comfortable with casual, “just having fun” sex, that is okay too.

If the first time was that good and you end up going back for more, don’t fool yourself into thinking you can get caught up in this sort of engagements and it won’t become a lil messy after a while. That much pleasure can cause some serious pain! Once you catch feelings for an individual, you make yourself vulnerable for heartache. Don’t be blind or foolish, read the signs. If a person is showing they are not only interested in you or they make it clear to you it is nothing serious to them, set yourself apart from the emotional hang up!

Not to just bash the guys, women are just as likely to be on the prowl, looking to have casual sex and spice up their life. The important message though is to know what your boundaries are. Are you just a booty call or are is sex worth waiting for with this person. So know firsthand if your two are exclusive or not, have this discussion early! If he is avoiding the discussion that is a clear warning sign he isn’t interested in being serious with you. Always remember, you matter in all of this. Do not put the penis on a pedestal; letting guys get away with mistreating you, any guy will take advantage of you real quick. If you carry yourself with respect, you can save yourself from some of these guys that are just DTF. But if you do catch yourself lonely and just wanting sex with no attachment be sure to know your place and the rules of the game.

Here are some boundaries you should stay within in order to avoid the emotional stickiness…

  • Never booty call someone you really like!
  • Pick one guy and stick to that one guy (Don’t become that girl that gives it all away)
  • Don’t pretend it’s a date, in fact don’t go out to public places
  • No emotional or deep conversations (keep away from childhood conversations)
  • Never sleep over
  • Do not buy him anything, ever! (if it isn’t reciprocated you might feel used)
  • Do not use names like babe, bae, baby, etc… EVER!

 

Booty calls are fun, but only when both partners are on the same page. If not someone is getting hurt and it might just be you. It is literally a fantasy, if it could really just be time with a steady lover who will satisfy all the sexual needs you may have with little to no strings attached. Things don’t always go as planned. If at any point you feel disrespected or do not like how the agreement is going, then it is your responsibility to break it off. Sometimes the easiest way to solve the problem is to just stop participating in it. I understand sometimes it is difficult to just let it go. You might have been really into it, thought you stood a chance at being the girlfriend, or whatever your reason is, just know you are worth more.

Ladies, you always want to be real with yourself and face the facts! If he is not bringing you around his friends or family, calls you his home girl, makes no attempt to take you out places and normally text you “WYD” or “What are you up to” it is a very strong warning signal that he has you under the booty call category. Follow your intuition, if you think you aren’t the only booty call he has and you are not okay with that, either speak up or let him go! Do not get caught up in that sort of mess, you can really catch yourself in a heartache rooted in jealousy or worse, you can get a disease. It is possible ladies, save yourself the shame and respect your bodies because no one else will if you do not demand respect at the minimum.

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Rio Hondo College Newspaper
Worth more than a ‘booty call’