While scrolling through my news feed, I stumbled upon a blog that was shared. The post was entitled, “Christians, Stop Staying Pure ‘till Marriage” written by a blogger named Sarah. Growing up in a Christian church, I was naturally intrigued with the headline. Her blog post had been an expressive response to an entirely different article.
Let me back up. Does the name Samantha Pugsley ring a bell? She is the author of the viral article, “I Waited Until My Wedding Night To Lose My Virginity And I Wish I Hadn’t”. Pugsley bravely shares such a personal and sensitive experience with the cyber world as she writes about keeping her virginity until marriage. She made a commitment to God at the young age of 10 years old to remain “pure” until she was married, and that’s what she thought she had done.
Pugsley had remained abstinent until her wedding night but was horribly disappointed (to say the least) at what actually happened. She had grown up believing she would live a blessed life in a blessed marriage, so long as she remained a “pure” virgin. She did not find sex enjoyable and precious, but rather disgusting. This eventually led to her leaving religion all together, stepping into a therapist’s office instead. The end of the article urges young girls to take control of their own sexuality, and to not let anyone or anything take it away.
Fast forward. Sarah, so clearly religious, has now written how said article made her both heartbroken and angry all at the same time. She was heartbroken over how badly the “ideal Christian values” had twisted this poor girl, yet she was angry at the message Pugsley was “sending out”. I’ll admit, I had not yet read Pugsley’s work, and so I admired Sarah. For the most part, her points were totally valid. Post-“I Waited Until My Wedding Night…” is a different story. As I said, growing up in a church tends to leave its mark. I was horrified, and literally shed a few tears upon learning what Pugsley went through.
To be ashamed of your sexuality, and to not undress in front of your husband sounds like hell. No woman will ever be satisfied with her body, but no woman should EVER be ashamed of her body/sexuality. Women are beautiful and complicated creatures (boys, take note of that).
Though I was raised with Christian beliefs, I never looked at Christianity as a religion. To me, I didn’t have to go to church or read the bible to have a relationship with God. I’m not perfect, but I am a loving, caring, and nice person.
If you are religious, I am not attacking you in any way. I’m attacking the congregations that promote abstinence but do not take the time to explain to their youth the significance and joys of sex. I’m attacking the congregations that make other young boys and girls feel the way Samantha did.
No name-dropping, but I am so appreciative that the church I grew up in never made me feel that way. In fact, I clearly remember a Sunday in which our youth pastor shared his premarital-sex experience. I could honestly feel how heartbroken he was just talking about it, and I knew he never wanted any of us (youth group) to feel that way.
A few years later, I now too had felt what he did, but I never regretted it. I did not lose my virginity; I gave my virginity to a boy when I was 15 years old. Despite everything that followed, I can look back and honestly say we were in love. From that moment, I knew this was right. Though he and I are no longer together, I cherish what little time we did have.
Does it suck to not be with your first love? Absolutely. Does it suck to have your current partner know they will never be your first love? Double whammy.
Just knowing I loved someone with everything I had (and chose to give that to him) and was loved the exact same way is something no one can ever take from me. I am not advocating premarital sex, nor am I advocating saving virginity for marriage. I’m just saying despite what everyone else thinks, do what makes you happy. In the end, every kiss, every touch, every smile, and every experience is yours to keep.
