Using a public restroom can be an uncomfortable experience for quite a number of people, but here at Rio Hondo College we believe in equality—apparently so much so that we are faced with an uncomfortable situation for all who are seeking some simple natural relief. This whole slur of bathroom criticism started as a joke, but given some extra thought over this past semester, it has grown into a genuine complaint. Prepare yourselves for “potty”-mouth in full-effect: We students and (as I like to address members of our community as:) toilet enthusiasts.

We’re provided with a dull roll of sheeted toilet paper that possesses the translucency and the durability comparable to a cheap dryer sheet. It’s almost as if somebody has unwound the entire roll and split each sheet in half and then re-wrapped each side back onto the cardboard roll. There is no cushion, texture, or soft anything about it either, which might make it feel as if you’re wiping with wax paper or some birthday present tissue paper. Our toilet paper here is like the toilet seat cover’s identical cousin. And what happens when you have to poop?

I’m just saying, I’ve seen other inexpensive options of better quality at markets all over and even the 99cent store, and I can’t help but question why can’t we enjoy some better alternatives? I know this just sounds like a spoiled first-world rant, and yes we should all stop and be thankful for having toilet paper at all, but c’mon, who says we have to sacrifice the comfort of comfort. I mean, I can’t be the only one who has noticed this. I hope I am not the first person to complain either, because I’m sure the walls of those bathroom stalls are all probably haunted with the bad memories of some rough wipes. Sure, this is a pretty lengthy rant about the quality of what we use to wipe our butts, but maybe it’s time we stand up and demand better care for our trusty exit hatches.

Not to mention people probably use up and flush a lot more toilet paper to try to compensate for the quality, which is a waste of paper and can also be tough on our plumbing and piping systems. It kind of makes me wonder, is it even cost efficient to purchase and provide us with cheap toilet paper? I mean we’ve all seen the big brand commercials that brag about how you’ll only need a couple sheets, sounds like some saved tree souls to me. Ugh, and just imagine this: those sore-bottomed and lazy wipers walking up and down our beautiful hills on a sunny spring day, during a full day of classes… that’s going to be a situation that stinks for everyone. Pun intended. So to all who agree, let’s hope that we get an upgrade in t.p. for all in the near future, to restore comfort to where we do our business and to put an end to using up three times more than normally necessary just so you can wipe in confidence. After, maybe we could work on getting some air freshener spray too.